There are times when I wonder in whose best interest the constant warfare between men and women truly benefits. But then I realize that I know exactly who.
Many women are taught from an early age to suppress their masculine urges, a.k. 'don't play rough with your brother, you'll ruin your pretty clothes', or told which games to play, i.e. 'those toys are for boys'. Giving a little girl a doll reinforces the caretaker role they are expected to perform in adulthood. Depending on their upbringing, they may perfect this role, or if alienation, neglect or abuse occur, they may seek instead to be the ones cared for and protected by the Other. Many times, this "other" is a male figure, but not always, as this search for validation can be expressed in a multitude of ways.
Not only are women taught that their femininity depends on their lack of masculinity, they are also taught that men are meant to be misunderstood, manipulated, seduced, or mocked, as a normal part of adult life. Still, their femininity is celebrated mostly as a way to attract men, rather than celebrate their own beauty in and of itself. For some, it is not enough to be successful, beautiful, intelligent. One must also have a man to "share their life with", even if it is not specifically for marriage. The ingrained behavior, along with a lifetime of low expectations about men, cause them to utilize all the tricks and coercions their mothers taught them in order to "keep their man in check". Of course, this backfires, as men resent being treated like puppy dogs or little boys. Men have their own issues.
At an early age, much like women, men are given their roles, handed them along with tube socks, GI Joes, baseball bats. To "throw like a girl" is a condemnation to a lifetime of humiliation. No man wants to be weak, prissy, worst of all, to show emotion and cry when life's punches are thrown his way. Men are taught that the only emotion worthy of expressing is anger. Everything else is held deep inside, and when a man finally opens up, it appears akin to anger even if it is not. To kill, to destroy, to compete, to chase and conquer(animals, countries and women for that matter). These are all masculine ambitions, and the pressure is magnified by thousands of years of society telling men who they are supposed to be. While women have struggled to gain a foothold in the world of men, men of the 21st century have little left to identify with as being intrinsically male. Now that women have become doctors, lawyers, law enforcement officers, military personnel, scientists and astronauts, men are at a loss. Now that women have "invaded" their world, it's not as if they can easily return the favor. Those few who are in touch with their feminine side are ridiculed, tormented, even attacked.
So what are men and women to do? Continue to work within the established paradigm, or move through a different tunnel into a new reality, one that says it's ok to be a male ballet dancer as much as it is to be a female construction worker? We are already making strides in many areas, but there is still much to improve upon. Perhaps this is where the big red elephant in the room comes in: Sex. There are two prevailing attitudes about sex in modern society, for the most part. It is either an act employed for the sole purpose of procreation and performed with the lights off, in order to minimize passion, or it is an explosion of overt carnal pleasure, with none of the spiritual implications of the union of the two sexes.
Perhaps if the two were somehow blended, there would be more joy in the act rather than a rush to explode into orgasm and fall asleep, or cover up under the blankets and pray for conception. Perhaps we have received sex as a gift, to unify our masculine and feminine nature, our primal, animalistic urges and the spiritual hunger we all carry within us to know the secrets of the universe. We are more than just flesh, but spirit too, so perhaps this union of flesh is meant to join our souls together as well as our bodies, in mutual love, respect and joy.
It's just a thought, one I have pondered many times whenever I see the battle of the sexes enacted over and over all around me. Now that women have found their strength and independence, I feel it is time for men to release their pent up emotions and allow themselves to feel. Perhaps it is time for the boys and girls to play together rather than apart. It could create for some interesting discoveries.
Peace.
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